...

I want to know why it is so easy for victims of assualt and abuse to feel so goddamn guilty any time we feel uncomfortable by a situation or a person? Why is it that we feel the need to feel that way??

My last post mentioned some issue I had at work with a student that triggered my PTSD, and it has become an issue of safety in a sense that my higher up is taking it seriously (as he should, so thank you Big Boss!), but since the student has not actually been violent or threatened me in any sense, I suddenly feel bad for even being upset by the situation he has brought on...

I can't stand the fact that victims of abuse (myself included obviously) have to deal with this, because we should be allowed to have feelings, and when someone triggers that fear response in us, obviously we need to trust our intuition. We should not have to feel scared that telling someone else how we feel will lead to negative repercussions... And yet, that is how I feel right now, because someone outside of my situation may view this as "not that big of a deal" and tell me to get over it. Like everyone else has in the past when I've dealt with abuse.

Anyways, I figured I'd rant on here. Nobody really reads these anyways so it's kind of my void to go yell in. Like I said, I still haven't said anything to my husband and I even feel guilty for that becuase he should know what I'm dealing with, but I'm afraid he'll worry himself about me even more than he already does.

Alright, back to work I go~ Hopefully this panicked feeling of "I'm going to puke" will subside eventually... I am happy for the support I am recieving at work, I just feel GUILTY for feeling GUILTY about being upset over this student's conduct and I feel that I shouldn't have to be.

Oh yeah, and all this is happening right here on my dad's birthday... The first abuser I ever had. =͟͟͞(⊙ _ ⊙ ) Today is really testing me.